Vous êtes très frais

I still feel miserable. Yesterday, went to Brent's house, got to wake him up bright and early. We spent the whole day pretty much lounging around, watched the first hour or so of "Just Married", was pretty funny. We had planned on going to the park, but just didn't get around to it. His mom wanted to do family stuff around 6 or so, but they just dragged us to Taco Bell, Menard's, and the video store, then we all went back home. We relaxed in the hammock a bit, but I just couldn't help but be depressed. Why? How the fuck could I be depressed and sad when I'm around Brent, for no particular reason at all? I just don't know what was up. But it's not fair of me to put a damper on his perfectly good day by being sad and depressed, is it? It was just this overwhelming feeling that made me want to shut down and not do anything.

Had to go to church this morning to hand out boomarks with info. about the 4th of July parade. Grandma wants me to march in it with all the other happy bible thumpers that always think life is swell...yeah, right, sure, that'll be the day I march in a parade. There's also this 30th anniversary church celebration going on at the water park, that just might be a consideration. Mom was nagging about S+G hours, 26 Service and 43 growth. The fools didn't get my 12 hours of camp for last year, I should have 55!!! She and Grandma want me to go to serving thursdays this thurs., where I'd be helping out at this thrift store place. Fun? No. Must try and get out of it. I hate that all the people that go there are all..."preppies" and what not that live in the rich part of town, and I don't know any of them. So very uncomfortable.

Sometimes I feel like I have to be this perky little wind up doll that springs to life whenever needed. I'm just so tired of everything, I just wanna go crawl in a deep dark hole and not come out for a couple weeks or so. I'm tired of going out every weekend, yet I whine and complain and feel worthless if I don't do at least one social thing. How pathetic is that? very. I don't feel like I've really begun to enjoy summer.

Some good news: I get to be with Brent on his birthday. Mum was all "'it's the 4th, and we need to be together as a family, and blah blah blah...'", but she said after the parade and picnic I could go over to his house. Then we could watch fireworks or something. Woot.

Some more good news: It's our 3 month versary on Thursday. Who'da thought we coulda lasted this long? I like it...maybe we'll go to garage, or something. Or maybe the park. But this time, must bring bugspray.

Ok now. That be all for now...